Amidst my catchup with Joanne earlier, as we shared about what's going on in our lives, what we are going through on the different aspects of our lives, she commented about this article she has once read with the subject somewhere along the line of the subject of this entry.
She briefly shared that the article speaks about how women of their 30s are probably at the peak of their strength because this is the period where they have been through (or are going through) key events of life - marriage, child birth, are at the peak of their careers, aging of their elderly loved ones etc etc. It kind of struck a chord with me.
Marriage - I am beginning to believe this is most likely not going to happen to me this lifetime. Its not that i haven't been in love. I just either keep failing to sustain interest (both ways) or i keep having people who will continueously come to stir me year on year by claiming deep undying love yet wrong timings because they cannot help but have other responsibilities and liabilities to fulfill. But with each year, i grow stronger and i tend to feel more immune towards any injustice towards my romances.
Child birth - I adore children. Many a times i yearn to know my child would look like - someone with my DNA. Would he/she have my eyes or super small eyes? My nose? With my aging parents, i also feel that strong sense of guilt not being able to bring them the joy of having grandparents. But of course, Joanne is right, i know that my parents would not want to sacrifice my happiness for the sake of having grandchildren. On this aspect, i feel a deep sense of regret.
Career - I guess i am doing ok. I enjoy what i do and i think to a certain extent i excel in it. Sometimes i do wonder how life would have turned out otherwise if i had made some other career choices. I do actually sometimes wonder if i should have given the insurance line a try too, especially in my younger days. I probably wouldn't have to work now.
My beloved parents - This is the period where we ought to start fretting and caring for them like they did for us. I really wish them well and seriously, these days what really bring tears to my eyes would be the thought of them growing older. And we just need to be strong, to be there for them just like how they never stopped being there us. And in my case, my parents have always tried to give me the best within their abilities. They are both very dear to me.
Today i wonder as well, not being morbid but is it better to die in an accident or actually from an illness and go through the battling stages?
Life can be really short, i believe in living it to the fullest.
Last but not least, i would like to add that i am truly appreciative of JJ, who is probably the only person who knows about my recent months detailed updates and constantly still checks in on my well being despite his ever busy schedule.